Lotsa of disappointment

It is my first entry after many years. It could be due to the increase use of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and many form of social media platform that I forget what blogging do for me. Blogging is therapeutic for me as it allows me to put my thoughts into words. So by now you shd have guess I need another therapy session.

For the past years, I have been learning to not get suck into the dark hole and learn to be contented with my achievements in life. And I must say I have been able to do a pretty good job as you can see I didn't blog a lot. But I guess things can't last very long right? Here I m blabbing away with my misery which maybe to many it is just part and parcel of life and it is no big deal.

If memory serve me well I think the last time I cried this much was because my ex boss didn't approve my release to a job that I like so much. So by now u would have guess what I am going to write. Yes, you are right. This time my tears are just rolling down my face as I did not get the promotion I feel I deserve. When I asked where? They can only say that we are very happy with your performance and everyone think you are a good worker but we are still having issue justifying. They gave me a decent bonus and increment in my view is acceptable but why can't they give me the title. Why must I work my ass off every year so that j can exceed their expectation but not in terms of title. I asked them in what way am I different from those mgr and in many view doing a worst job than me.  No answer. They can only tell me to wait and keep up with my performance and if a suitable managerial role arises then they will place me in. What stupid logic is this? When you exceed the expectation of your role doesn't garner a promotion. A promotion is only when there is a expansion of scope. How far can your role expand when yr organization structure is so lean and yet u hv so many ranking in the system? In short all locals are just slave workers who help the expats grow in the ranking as they are the ones who can move out of their role after 3-5 years. Those who stay are just people who are looking for a retirement job and not hungry for progression as now I come to realise.

I make a stupid mistake by giving up a managerial role because I have confidence in achieving this promotion. So the good thing is I dun have to feel bad if I accept a better offer since no one will be able to fight for me even when they all feel I m doing a great job. Another thing I learn is to never get my hopes high as falling from the top really hurts.

Tears are still dripping off my face and hope i can grow stronger and show them what stupid decision they have made. If they can't justify my promotion then I will show them now on what shd be the difference between a snr and a manager.

God please me strength to grow and let go. Heal my disappointment. I believe when you closed a door for me, a better and bigger door is awaiting for me. I will believe in you and wait for your door.

Baby Cayden

Due to a work trip, I initially thought I will not be around for the arrival of Baby Cayden. But never did I expect that this little boy decided to arrive earlier and meet all of us. As a considerate boy, he also choose a non-working day so all of us can dropped by and celebrate his arrival.

Sleeping soundly when we arrive.

Finally awake when most visitors left. So cute and loveable boy.

Cute little ears that I am sure is an indication that he will be a lucky boy.

Picture of me with the baby... Jie Jie actually throw a tanturm when I carried her precious baby brother.

New hairstyle for Day 2.

I was watching the latest episode of SS小燕之夜 - 孫協志 韓瑜 一起許下幸福的決定 and there was an interesting statement made.

He mentioned that to love someone you will need to love all her strength and weakness. Sometimes when we love someone, we think that the person is the kind of person we like and so when there is conflict, we expect the person to think for us and behave the way we want him/her to behave. When he/she doesn't, we get angry but how can someone behave the way we want him/her to be when he/she is not that person. Hence, we shouldn't be looking at how to change a person but to embrace him/her for who he/she is.

I totally agree with the above. Many times, I see my mum complaining about the things or way my dad handle a situation but that's not who him in the first place and how can we expect him to do it. Are we asking for too much and making our life miserable? Or when there are times when I get fustrated when they don't do things my way? But when we are getting angry and fustrated did we step back and think that the other party is feeling the same but becos of love, they are willing to embrace our nonsense. So let's all learn to embrace each other weakness and not insist that the person change for you.

I know it is not easy but at the heated moments, let's all not focus on the weakness but think deeper for the strengths.

Life is very simple and can be very happy if we choose not to complicate it and adding different expectations. 

Looking forward to Xiao Long.

Don't be shocked.. I am not pregnant but my dear friend is and I will have a new little prince to play with. My little princess has promoted to 姐姐 and I am very confident she will be a good one.

Looking forward to meeting this prince next yr. May he be healthy and happy.

New Experience

As I embark on a new adventure, many send me encouragements over the past few days and I am deeply grateful for these well-wishes as it really gave me strength and courage. So below is what I concluded from the first 3 days:

1. It is really a challenge for me as the role is totally different from what I have done in the past. To me it is a bigger role and from the on boarding, they seems to have very high expectation. Not to forget, i was in such a comfort zone for the past few years and my brain was kinda in a hibernation mood. So now is the time for me to restart that brain.

2. Due to the nature of the role, I need to interact with various department and get their support. However, i have a feeling that there is certain politics involved and so I need to be extremely careful and not end up being pushed around or walked over. Touchy...Will they be moved by my "Ms Nice" magic?

So at this point, I am not 100% confident that I can deliver. But having said that I will just continue to give 100% effort and hard work and let god do the rest for me.

One additional thing that I am extremely proud is I am enable to lunch alone. In the past, I will be extremely sad if I am not part of a group and have the feeling that I am a outcast. But though my colleagues did not offer to have lunch with me, I was actually not that affected as I know they will not be comfortable with me due to different style and background. I guess this is a sign of maturity, right?

Anyway, please pray for me that I will survive and integrate into this new environment. Jia You! Jia You! 

Time for Change

Three years ago, I finally ended my career as an artwork planner for something that I have a true passion for - Marketing. It was like a dream come true for me and I was all excited for the new challenges ahead of me. But entering into the job, I realise that I enjoyed the scope but the company is not something that I imagine it to be.. there were lots of restriction and the company culture was too different from my previous role. However, I still continued to stay on as I fear the life of unemployment and also at times i still release my fustration through my msn conversation with my msn kakis. Their constant encouragement and listening ears kept me going for the past years.

So now after 3 yrs, it's time for a change. I have finally received an offer for a regional marketing role in a MNC. I am pretty excited for the challenges ahead but there is also a part of me that fear that I will not deliver to expectations or even click with the environment and colleagues or handle the politics. However, if I choose to let this opportunity pass me, I am not sure when will I be able to receive the next opportunity. 

I guess I just have to embrace what's ahead of me...be it good or bad. Otherwise, I will have to continue and slack in my current job that offer no prospect and challenges. Furthermore, I am sure there is really no perfect job, right? No matter where we go, we will have to deal with different challenges and make the best out of it.

I really hope I make the right decision this time and these challenges will bring me to greater heights.

Please pray for me and do lend me a listening ear...afterall i am just a complaint queen.

New bag

My New Bag... Took me a while to finally decide to part my $$$ for this. 

No more bags for the next few year.

Words of Wisdom

Went to my temple yesterday and below is what I learnt from the sharing session:

The talker was telling us that life is very simple and it evolve around the 4 more main elements: 衣, 食, 住, 行. We are all very fortunate human becos everyone do not have to worry about them. All of us have enough to eat and do not have to worry about having no food on the table. Alot of us have so many clothing that some time, we didn't even wear some of the new clothes and decide to give it away. Most of us have a roof over head and a job that pay our daily needs.

But because we are 凡人, we become greedy and created problems for ourself. So we all should learn to be contented and learn to let go. A lot of times, we only learn to let go only when we attend funeral. Isn't it true? When we see someone pass away, we will start to reflect like we didn't spend enough time spending time with family or even the way we lead our life? But this shouldn't be the way right.

On top of that, he also reminded us on "因缘" and "果报" aka cause and effect. Did you all ever wonder why you end up with friends with some people or end up as partners for life? Or why that particular person always make you angry? Or even why you have to go through certain rough patch in life? My reglion tell us that this is because of our fate & also what we do in our previous life aka "因缘" and "果报". Thus we cannot be 自侳 but come to terms that things happen for a reason. There are many things in life that is more important than the few problems or bad days that we have.

Personally, as much as I believe and like to practise what is taught in life but it is always easier say than done. Thus, I decided to blog so as a form of reinforcement for myself and hope I can come to peace with all the issues that happen because of my greediness.

Life is simple and happy. I hope all the people that I care will be happy.

P.s. Hopefully i did not confuse you with my writing as I am trying my best to spread his good words as he did for me. But if you do not agreed or feel that some area did not make sense, just ignore this entry and look for the other entries.

Blessed

Imagine the previous entry was all about how gloomy my life is but this entry is a reminder for myself that I am actually a very blessed person.

After my gloomy entry went live and also through my negative conversations with my msn kakis, my friends have been very encouraging and supportive. Some of them left positive comments to encourage me or initiate msn encouragements for me. Through their encouragement, I manage to pull through that dark week. *Thanks*Hugs*

Other than them, I must admit that God didn't forget me as it has again prove to me about her presence. As all will know, I go to my prayer hall every fortnightly and during the session, we do have a short preaching session. It might be a coincidence but I choose to believe that God is using others mouth to give me power and encouragement to pull through. This is because the topic shared during the last session enlightened me to think positively. The words that are shared are words or thinking that we all know but we tend to forget when we are stuck in the dark hole.... Things that are shared are like "There is no point in getting angry over certain things and/or people as the only one affected or unhappy is you. Those people that you are angry with still lead a happy life while you are still feel with anger." and "It is not total lost as God will make up for you in different ways." For instance, some people is always "taken advantage" by others. But because of his/her chinchye attitude, he/she actually garner more friends or have more "ren yuan" in the process and through the "ren yuan" he/she will get more help when he/she is in need vs. someone who is more calculative.... Hope I am making sense or convey the pt correctly. :P

Even though I am still unhappy with my life but again who is totally please with theirs right? Life is just filled with happiness and unhappiness. I should be glad that there are lots of people around me who truly care for me and lend me a listening ear/eyes when I need them. Not to forget they also gave me their support even though my proposed solution is not the best solution.

Oh ya...I should also give some credit to this blog.. It gave me a channel to release all my negative energy.

Gloomy Day

Wonder if it is PMS or I have already reached the point?? Though I have been complaining about my job but I wasn't desperate for a job. But dun noe why that feeling is back.

I don't seem to be able to the ray of light in my tunnel and everything seems so so dark. Whenever I think of my current situation, tears just keep swarming up and I just hope and pray that I don't have to go back. I know it is impossible and i am also trying very hard to fight this negative enegry. But somehow I just can't conquer it but instead I seem to be suck into that dark tunnel further.

I am such a loser right? Escaping and giving up is always the only solution I can think of?

Unlike many others out there who can stay despite all odds. Afterall, how many of the people do enjoy their work?