It is my first entry after many years. It could be due to the increase use of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and many form of social media platform that I forget what blogging do for me. Blogging is therapeutic for me as it allows me to put my thoughts into words. So by now you shd have guess I need another therapy session.
For the past years, I have been learning to not get suck into the dark hole and learn to be contented with my achievements in life. And I must say I have been able to do a pretty good job as you can see I didn't blog a lot. But I guess things can't last very long right? Here I m blabbing away with my misery which maybe to many it is just part and parcel of life and it is no big deal.
If memory serve me well I think the last time I cried this much was because my ex boss didn't approve my release to a job that I like so much. So by now u would have guess what I am going to write. Yes, you are right. This time my tears are just rolling down my face as I did not get the promotion I feel I deserve. When I asked where? They can only say that we are very happy with your performance and everyone think you are a good worker but we are still having issue justifying. They gave me a decent bonus and increment in my view is acceptable but why can't they give me the title. Why must I work my ass off every year so that j can exceed their expectation but not in terms of title. I asked them in what way am I different from those mgr and in many view doing a worst job than me. No answer. They can only tell me to wait and keep up with my performance and if a suitable managerial role arises then they will place me in. What stupid logic is this? When you exceed the expectation of your role doesn't garner a promotion. A promotion is only when there is a expansion of scope. How far can your role expand when yr organization structure is so lean and yet u hv so many ranking in the system? In short all locals are just slave workers who help the expats grow in the ranking as they are the ones who can move out of their role after 3-5 years. Those who stay are just people who are looking for a retirement job and not hungry for progression as now I come to realise.
I make a stupid mistake by giving up a managerial role because I have confidence in achieving this promotion. So the good thing is I dun have to feel bad if I accept a better offer since no one will be able to fight for me even when they all feel I m doing a great job. Another thing I learn is to never get my hopes high as falling from the top really hurts.
Tears are still dripping off my face and hope i can grow stronger and show them what stupid decision they have made. If they can't justify my promotion then I will show them now on what shd be the difference between a snr and a manager.
God please me strength to grow and let go. Heal my disappointment. I believe when you closed a door for me, a better and bigger door is awaiting for me. I will believe in you and wait for your door.
