Lotsa of disappointment

It is my first entry after many years. It could be due to the increase use of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and many form of social media platform that I forget what blogging do for me. Blogging is therapeutic for me as it allows me to put my thoughts into words. So by now you shd have guess I need another therapy session.

For the past years, I have been learning to not get suck into the dark hole and learn to be contented with my achievements in life. And I must say I have been able to do a pretty good job as you can see I didn't blog a lot. But I guess things can't last very long right? Here I m blabbing away with my misery which maybe to many it is just part and parcel of life and it is no big deal.

If memory serve me well I think the last time I cried this much was because my ex boss didn't approve my release to a job that I like so much. So by now u would have guess what I am going to write. Yes, you are right. This time my tears are just rolling down my face as I did not get the promotion I feel I deserve. When I asked where? They can only say that we are very happy with your performance and everyone think you are a good worker but we are still having issue justifying. They gave me a decent bonus and increment in my view is acceptable but why can't they give me the title. Why must I work my ass off every year so that j can exceed their expectation but not in terms of title. I asked them in what way am I different from those mgr and in many view doing a worst job than me.  No answer. They can only tell me to wait and keep up with my performance and if a suitable managerial role arises then they will place me in. What stupid logic is this? When you exceed the expectation of your role doesn't garner a promotion. A promotion is only when there is a expansion of scope. How far can your role expand when yr organization structure is so lean and yet u hv so many ranking in the system? In short all locals are just slave workers who help the expats grow in the ranking as they are the ones who can move out of their role after 3-5 years. Those who stay are just people who are looking for a retirement job and not hungry for progression as now I come to realise.

I make a stupid mistake by giving up a managerial role because I have confidence in achieving this promotion. So the good thing is I dun have to feel bad if I accept a better offer since no one will be able to fight for me even when they all feel I m doing a great job. Another thing I learn is to never get my hopes high as falling from the top really hurts.

Tears are still dripping off my face and hope i can grow stronger and show them what stupid decision they have made. If they can't justify my promotion then I will show them now on what shd be the difference between a snr and a manager.

God please me strength to grow and let go. Heal my disappointment. I believe when you closed a door for me, a better and bigger door is awaiting for me. I will believe in you and wait for your door.

Baby Cayden

Due to a work trip, I initially thought I will not be around for the arrival of Baby Cayden. But never did I expect that this little boy decided to arrive earlier and meet all of us. As a considerate boy, he also choose a non-working day so all of us can dropped by and celebrate his arrival.

Sleeping soundly when we arrive.

Finally awake when most visitors left. So cute and loveable boy.

Cute little ears that I am sure is an indication that he will be a lucky boy.

Picture of me with the baby... Jie Jie actually throw a tanturm when I carried her precious baby brother.

New hairstyle for Day 2.

I was watching the latest episode of SS小燕之夜 - 孫協志 韓瑜 一起許下幸福的決定 and there was an interesting statement made.

He mentioned that to love someone you will need to love all her strength and weakness. Sometimes when we love someone, we think that the person is the kind of person we like and so when there is conflict, we expect the person to think for us and behave the way we want him/her to behave. When he/she doesn't, we get angry but how can someone behave the way we want him/her to be when he/she is not that person. Hence, we shouldn't be looking at how to change a person but to embrace him/her for who he/she is.

I totally agree with the above. Many times, I see my mum complaining about the things or way my dad handle a situation but that's not who him in the first place and how can we expect him to do it. Are we asking for too much and making our life miserable? Or when there are times when I get fustrated when they don't do things my way? But when we are getting angry and fustrated did we step back and think that the other party is feeling the same but becos of love, they are willing to embrace our nonsense. So let's all learn to embrace each other weakness and not insist that the person change for you.

I know it is not easy but at the heated moments, let's all not focus on the weakness but think deeper for the strengths.

Life is very simple and can be very happy if we choose not to complicate it and adding different expectations. 

Looking forward to Xiao Long.

Don't be shocked.. I am not pregnant but my dear friend is and I will have a new little prince to play with. My little princess has promoted to 姐姐 and I am very confident she will be a good one.

Looking forward to meeting this prince next yr. May he be healthy and happy.

New Experience

As I embark on a new adventure, many send me encouragements over the past few days and I am deeply grateful for these well-wishes as it really gave me strength and courage. So below is what I concluded from the first 3 days:

1. It is really a challenge for me as the role is totally different from what I have done in the past. To me it is a bigger role and from the on boarding, they seems to have very high expectation. Not to forget, i was in such a comfort zone for the past few years and my brain was kinda in a hibernation mood. So now is the time for me to restart that brain.

2. Due to the nature of the role, I need to interact with various department and get their support. However, i have a feeling that there is certain politics involved and so I need to be extremely careful and not end up being pushed around or walked over. Touchy...Will they be moved by my "Ms Nice" magic?

So at this point, I am not 100% confident that I can deliver. But having said that I will just continue to give 100% effort and hard work and let god do the rest for me.

One additional thing that I am extremely proud is I am enable to lunch alone. In the past, I will be extremely sad if I am not part of a group and have the feeling that I am a outcast. But though my colleagues did not offer to have lunch with me, I was actually not that affected as I know they will not be comfortable with me due to different style and background. I guess this is a sign of maturity, right?

Anyway, please pray for me that I will survive and integrate into this new environment. Jia You! Jia You! 

Time for Change

Three years ago, I finally ended my career as an artwork planner for something that I have a true passion for - Marketing. It was like a dream come true for me and I was all excited for the new challenges ahead of me. But entering into the job, I realise that I enjoyed the scope but the company is not something that I imagine it to be.. there were lots of restriction and the company culture was too different from my previous role. However, I still continued to stay on as I fear the life of unemployment and also at times i still release my fustration through my msn conversation with my msn kakis. Their constant encouragement and listening ears kept me going for the past years.

So now after 3 yrs, it's time for a change. I have finally received an offer for a regional marketing role in a MNC. I am pretty excited for the challenges ahead but there is also a part of me that fear that I will not deliver to expectations or even click with the environment and colleagues or handle the politics. However, if I choose to let this opportunity pass me, I am not sure when will I be able to receive the next opportunity. 

I guess I just have to embrace what's ahead of me...be it good or bad. Otherwise, I will have to continue and slack in my current job that offer no prospect and challenges. Furthermore, I am sure there is really no perfect job, right? No matter where we go, we will have to deal with different challenges and make the best out of it.

I really hope I make the right decision this time and these challenges will bring me to greater heights.

Please pray for me and do lend me a listening ear...afterall i am just a complaint queen.

New bag

My New Bag... Took me a while to finally decide to part my $$$ for this. 

No more bags for the next few year.

Words of Wisdom

Went to my temple yesterday and below is what I learnt from the sharing session:

The talker was telling us that life is very simple and it evolve around the 4 more main elements: 衣, 食, 住, 行. We are all very fortunate human becos everyone do not have to worry about them. All of us have enough to eat and do not have to worry about having no food on the table. Alot of us have so many clothing that some time, we didn't even wear some of the new clothes and decide to give it away. Most of us have a roof over head and a job that pay our daily needs.

But because we are 凡人, we become greedy and created problems for ourself. So we all should learn to be contented and learn to let go. A lot of times, we only learn to let go only when we attend funeral. Isn't it true? When we see someone pass away, we will start to reflect like we didn't spend enough time spending time with family or even the way we lead our life? But this shouldn't be the way right.

On top of that, he also reminded us on "因缘" and "果报" aka cause and effect. Did you all ever wonder why you end up with friends with some people or end up as partners for life? Or why that particular person always make you angry? Or even why you have to go through certain rough patch in life? My reglion tell us that this is because of our fate & also what we do in our previous life aka "因缘" and "果报". Thus we cannot be 自侳 but come to terms that things happen for a reason. There are many things in life that is more important than the few problems or bad days that we have.

Personally, as much as I believe and like to practise what is taught in life but it is always easier say than done. Thus, I decided to blog so as a form of reinforcement for myself and hope I can come to peace with all the issues that happen because of my greediness.

Life is simple and happy. I hope all the people that I care will be happy.

P.s. Hopefully i did not confuse you with my writing as I am trying my best to spread his good words as he did for me. But if you do not agreed or feel that some area did not make sense, just ignore this entry and look for the other entries.

Blessed

Imagine the previous entry was all about how gloomy my life is but this entry is a reminder for myself that I am actually a very blessed person.

After my gloomy entry went live and also through my negative conversations with my msn kakis, my friends have been very encouraging and supportive. Some of them left positive comments to encourage me or initiate msn encouragements for me. Through their encouragement, I manage to pull through that dark week. *Thanks*Hugs*

Other than them, I must admit that God didn't forget me as it has again prove to me about her presence. As all will know, I go to my prayer hall every fortnightly and during the session, we do have a short preaching session. It might be a coincidence but I choose to believe that God is using others mouth to give me power and encouragement to pull through. This is because the topic shared during the last session enlightened me to think positively. The words that are shared are words or thinking that we all know but we tend to forget when we are stuck in the dark hole.... Things that are shared are like "There is no point in getting angry over certain things and/or people as the only one affected or unhappy is you. Those people that you are angry with still lead a happy life while you are still feel with anger." and "It is not total lost as God will make up for you in different ways." For instance, some people is always "taken advantage" by others. But because of his/her chinchye attitude, he/she actually garner more friends or have more "ren yuan" in the process and through the "ren yuan" he/she will get more help when he/she is in need vs. someone who is more calculative.... Hope I am making sense or convey the pt correctly. :P

Even though I am still unhappy with my life but again who is totally please with theirs right? Life is just filled with happiness and unhappiness. I should be glad that there are lots of people around me who truly care for me and lend me a listening ear/eyes when I need them. Not to forget they also gave me their support even though my proposed solution is not the best solution.

Oh ya...I should also give some credit to this blog.. It gave me a channel to release all my negative energy.

Gloomy Day

Wonder if it is PMS or I have already reached the point?? Though I have been complaining about my job but I wasn't desperate for a job. But dun noe why that feeling is back.

I don't seem to be able to the ray of light in my tunnel and everything seems so so dark. Whenever I think of my current situation, tears just keep swarming up and I just hope and pray that I don't have to go back. I know it is impossible and i am also trying very hard to fight this negative enegry. But somehow I just can't conquer it but instead I seem to be suck into that dark tunnel further.

I am such a loser right? Escaping and giving up is always the only solution I can think of?

Unlike many others out there who can stay despite all odds. Afterall, how many of the people do enjoy their work?

CNY Visit cum belated birthday celebration

My little prince turned 3 in February but as it was the CNY period, god mama didn't manage to find time to celebrate with him until this saturday. He was kind of blur when I went over to visit him but after opening his present and telling him a few storys.. reading is one of his favourite activity.. we had a very superb time together.

Below are the picture:

Told him to take a picture for Aunty Denise as prove that her ang bao has been delivered to him. The first shot was a bit too haolian.

After our review, he was all smiley with the ang baos.

After the successful photoshoot, he was all in the mood for more photos. Now the Thomas and Friends engines set that I got him. Glad that he actually like this present and the books too.

Series of close up shots plus his latest cheeky shot with the tongue.

And while I was busy talking to his mummy, he actually took a very nice picture of mummy. Hidden talent??

Of cos, there must be a shot with godmama right? I think this is one of our best picture ever.

He was in pretty good mood so I actually requested him to sing a song for Auntie Denise as a form of thanks. So Auntie Denise, this is for you, oki? He didn't forget you. 

Now that he is in the mood of singing, this is another video of his performance which mummy insisted that I can only upload on my blog as Mummy was the back up singer. haha. Somehow the video is not as sharp.  

Look forward to seeing him again. *Muacks*

When mummy hurt her hand...

When my mum hurt her hand, I became the "Maria" for my family. Okie...i admit that i am a spoilt in a way since I don't help out with the housework when my mum is handling. So i guess now is the time for me to repay and I shouldn't be complaining right? Otherwise maybe i will be struck by lightning so let's better be safe since the weather is so bad lately.

So for the past 3 days, I have to wake up early in the morning to buy groceries, wash the clothes, cook and wash again...not to forget the task that I hate most...ironing, which my mum can't bear to see since I take ages just to complete ironing 1 piece of clothing.. heehee.

Anyway, the purpose of this entry is not to complain but because of my mum, I have to do the marketing. I can't even remember when was the last time I went down to the wet market but there are 3 interesting encounters from these few days.

1. Saw an auntie at one of the store who is actually a friend of my mum. After my mum asked if her kids are married, she also ask about my marital status. When I mentioned I am still single, she decided to promote her son to me. She actually went to the point of asking my horoscope and following my mum and I to another store. I was so embarrassed and speechless by her enthusiasm.

2. While buying my breakfast today, saw this young girl around 10 yrs old who is trying to get breakfast for her younger sister and brother. She was patiently trying to figure out what exactly her younger brother want and at the same time getting them to sit and wait at the table while she queue. Good to see that a 10 yr old can be independent and willing to take care of the siblings, which I think it is a rare sight now since the younger generations are very well taken care and rely a lot on their maid or caregiver.

3. Also saw a very sweet old couple. The old grandma can barely walk but was still pushing her husband who is on a wheelchair for breakfast. Though I saw some people actually feel that the old grandma was blocking the way as she was moving at a very slow speed but I find that it is such a blessing to have a partner who will take care of you and really fulfill the marriage vows.

To end, not sure if anyone of you saw the last episode of Dream Potters on Monday, if not you might want to search for it via youtube or catch up TV. The key character of the episode was an old lady with a big heart. Despite what she been through and her blindness, she still want to help others instead of accepting help since she feel that she is more fortunate than many.

She really taughtt me the importance of contentment in life and also the ability to forgive and forget. Something that I always want to achieve but never achieve. Maybe I can one day achieve if I always hum on it.

Saying goodbye to 2010 and welcoming 2011

It seems a little late for this entry, right? Since I will usually pen this entry around the last week of the year but this year I am only able to do it on the 2nd day of the new year.

In the past, I used to have lots to review and pen down my thoughts for the coming year but this year, I am actually kind of point blank. Initially, I thought i will be end the year with some good news and new challenges ahead for me in the coming year. But things usually don't go as we think..and so there is no good news yet. To make matter worst, I down with a bad thoart which haven't recover. Hopefully, this is a not a sign that it is going to be bad year for me since nothing has been smooth thus far.

I should stop all the misery and be contented with what I have and be stronger and more positive in life even if things don't go my way or more challenges come my way and push me to that dark little corner.

I am sure when one door close another door will open for me and have faith that God has the best plan for me in 2011.  

T3 Outing with Princes

We were suppose to catch the Elmo show at Plaza Singapura but papa and mama decide against it as it should be too crowded. So mama suggested to bring the little princess to Changi Airport and invited me to join their family outing which i gladly agreed.

The little one didn't want to sleep at home but slept on the way to airport. She woke up with a big smile when she saw me and actually allowed me to carry her...heehee ***always good to feel wanted by her *** But after a toilet break she is all back to sticky glue with mama.

Anyway, we brought her to the few play area in T3 and she has a hell of a time. That should help disperse some of her energy and make mama job easier at night.

Below are some of the pictures we took while she is playing but she is too fast for a decent shot:

That's how she play..

Climbing out of a tunnel.

Finally a few decent shots of her playing.

Of cos, a picture with mummy.

 Making funny faces.

Realli have a great time with her since she is in the mood to talk and play with me. 

Christmas Day 2011

Christmas is a day where most Christians celebrate as a day where Jesus is born. Jesus gave himself for all man good and non-christians like myself will practise gift exchange with our friends as a form of blessing for the coming years.

Many times, we crack our brains to think about the best gifts for our loved ones. However, for this year, I decided to try something difference, that is to dedicate a gift in world vision on my friends' behalf. This is because we are all very fortunate and we have the ability to get what we really needs and for Christmas exchange, we usually end up with presents that actually satisfy our wants and at times might receive things that does not meet our style and end up hiding in a corner in our room. Hence, I feel that we should spread our love & blessings for something more meaningful that is to help to less fortunate. 

So this is for you, my friends - Ting, Joann, Ah Jing, YY, Denise, Noel, Cynthia, Joan, Dorothy, Yvonne and Vena, Uni Team mates - Lynnie, Regina, Elaine, Cheryl & Janisia

I hope you don't mind this arrangement and please do not get me any gift if you have this intention but maybe do something more meaingful. 

Apart from dedicating the above gift for my friends, it is always been my practise to do an annual donation to them so I selected the below gift for 2010.

Wishing All An Advance Merry Christmas & Happy 2011!!!

I know I am a bit kiasu. heehee

Meaningful but tiring weekend

November and December is usually one of my busiest month in a year as this is the time where I usually meet up with my friends. As we grow older, the chances of catching up also reduces becos of our work or family committments but that doesn't mean that we are not as close as old times...on the other hand, it allows us to value these rare chances of catching up.

So this week was indeed a memorable week.

Firstly, I took off on Friday just to have some relaxation time with my best friends of around 17 yrs. We went around shopping as well as going for some good dim sum at Paradise Dynasty. After which, I even went to pick my little girl and have a cheap and good dinner at MacPherson. Unfortunately 2 of our kakis didn't manage to make it this time because of work but we will definetly be arranging another sessions...maybe shopping at chinatown since it is time for me to prepare for the Chinese New Year and replenish my wardrobe. hehe.

Due to my Penang Spirtual Trip, I didn't manage to celebrate my birthday with my 2 little darlings. So they were very sweet and offer to treat me after my trip. So initially we planned for a nice ice-cream session but because Lele is having a cough so I counter propose that a simple MacDonald Breakfast and fun time at the Polliwogs - Indoor playground will be a better choice.

While waiting for the mummies to get the tickets, I decided to take a picture of them together. It was realli a challenge since either both of them are not smiling or they are not looking at me so this is what i got.

Once we are in, both of them dash and explore the area in great joy but the 3 of us were totally tired chasing after them and accompanying them thru the tunnels and slides. But it is still a good experience seeing how much they have enjoyed themselves. I bet both of them knock out along the way back home. As for me, I am now down with aching hands and legs. This just prove that I actually work out within such a short time.   

Really look forward to future opportunities like these where we can all played and enjoyed ourself.

After the morning exercise with my little darlings, I was off to catch up with my good old colleague from Philippines. Have actually planned to visit her but due to last min issue, it was always cancelled. So how can we not meet up like old times when she is back. So we went for a Thai Romance Movie - Hello Strangers...you can't believe it right? Neither can I? But it was a real funny and entertaining romance comedy that we all feel that our money is not put to waste. After which, we walk all the way for Rochor Beancurd followed by our session at Minds Cafe. It was really fun playing games like taboo, rat a cat, some strategic games which I can't remember the games. We didn't even realise that time can pass so fast as it was already 1:30 in the morning when we make it back to our kaki place for some gossip and catching up. It was 3am when we all fell asleep and by 8:30am we are all up for our MacDonald Breakfast.

Oh ya...I also heard a good news, one of friend has been offered a role in Japan. Though I will have 1 less friend to hang out but I am really happy that she is moving on to a better role. Not to forget, my friend in australia also receive a chance for a very interesting role....Happy to know that my friends are all moving on to a higher level in their career and I wish them all the best and will pray that all will turn out good.

As much as I am envious of my friends of their career achievement, I will still keep my faith that my chance will come one of these days and trust that God has the best plans in place for me. ***My little self encouraging pet talk to myself.***

Me and a 20year old car

When my friend first told me that her husband is getting a 20-year old SUV as their 2nd car, i laughed at her that the car looks like a mini fire engine. I even told her that the car doesn't suit her and jokingly commented that she is not to fetch me in that car since I should look rather comical in the car.

Who will have known that I actually had the chance to sit in this "little" red car yesterday. I was really amazed by how tall this SUV is that I actually took a picture since this could be my only chance to be in this car.

See how tall this SUV is and we really look like we belong to a different world.

 Comparison with between the 2 cars. See fire engine is as tall as a lorry.

New Look

One fine day last week, I decided to change my look by having a bang. So this is the new "Ah Tu" look for the time being which my family can't accept. Can you accept????

Coincidentally, my prince josh also has a same new look. But he has this look to avoid his hair irritating the cut from his recent fall.

Another pair of Mr. & Mrs Lee

Another good friend of mine recently moved on her next phase of her life - marriage. Happy that she found that Mr. Right and I wish them a very happy and blissful marriage.

This is her cute little niece. I am sure once she has her own generation, he/she will definetly be charmer like this little one.

Of cos, how can we do w/o a group photo with the bride? Afterall, we have been friends for more than a decade...Oops, I hope that didn't make all of us sound like we are very old..we just know each other when we were all very young. Friendship Forever!

Cookie Baking Session

Always feel that cookie baking or cake making is a good form of bonding session with young children. It also allow the kids to have some great fun. So mummy and god mama set a date and started our first cookie baking session with Josh.

Godmama did all the research on what will be the best recipe for mummy and Josh. After some consideration, we decided on Chocolate Chip Cookies and a simple banana cake. But who knows the under utilised oven broke down before we even started so God mama have to resort to a simple toaster oven and drop the banana cake.

Below are the limited pictures of our bonding session:

Godmama trying to get a picture with the assistant baker who is busy with the egg mixing.

Close up shot of the busy assistant baker.

He is actually afraid of the noise from the mixer but have fun helping me pouring in the ingredients and beating the eggs. Not to forget, he is kind of a clean freak who do not enjoy rolling the mixture into small balls as it kind of create a oily feeling to his hands. So in turn he use a spoon to scope the dough.

The final product...Not too bad for a first timer, right?

Look forward to the next baking session...Will arrange something similar for my little princess too.