What should i blog about this week? Actually nothing much has happened around me this week except that i finally found 2 more books by Julie Garwood. Hence i am back to reading for the next couple of weeks...engross in the midst of thriller and romance.
Oh yah, one more news to break! My thai boss will be resigning and actually i am not suppose to know about the news yet. So i have to act on Monday to sound surprise and most importantly to understand what is the impact on me when he is gone. :-( Such a nice and easy to bully boss...Pray hard for me that his replacement is as gd as him or i can leave the place together with him...not sure how i can cope with another new boss. Haiz.
Since nothing major has happened or inspired me so that's all for my short entry.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Meaningful Week
As i usually complained about my work, i have no queries/augment that the company itself is a good company. Though we have low starting pay but we have quite an attractive benefits such as work from home facilities, flexible working hours, dental and optical benefits not only for yourself but also for your parents, if you are single, or your kids, if you are married, many interesting course that we can undergo for self development. Part of our requirement is to complete 3 different course within each year and this week i went for a 3 day course on 7 habits of effective people. I believe most of us will have read the book from Dr. Convey and if i have remember correctly, i did a project on the book as well during our poly days. But it didn't brought such an impact like this course. It provided new insights and keep me thinking for quite some time. I have also came to know of an interesting quote that i like to share with you:
"It's not what others do to us that hurts us, it's our chosen
response to what they do that hurts us." - Stephen R. Convey
Don't you agree that it is so meaningful and insightful? Many times when we are in a situation, we will blame everything on others, the conditions that trigger that situations but never reflect deeply in us. Many times after the situation has cool off, we will laugh off at our reactions or even regret our actions we take in reaction. In life, we just can't go back on our decisions and actions but to just live in regrets or learn our lesson and move on.
Maybe from now, we should just cool ourself down when the situation arises and choose the right actions instead of reacting immediately on first initial thought. Life is about choices and we are free to choose and be responsible for it.
We should really start some thinking and below is adapted from a video from my training which i wanted to load onto my blog but don't know how:
If life were a painting and you were the artist, what would you paint?
Which colors would you use?
Grey? Electric Blue? Candy-Apple Red?
Is it a landscape?
Is it a still life?
A portrait of yourself?
A portrait of your true love?
Your most passionate hopes?
Would you hang it at the center of your home?
Or at the centre of your office?
Or at the centre of your heart?
When others see it ......
What will they remember?
Just lines on canvas? Or a work of art?
This is your life.
Paint a bold picture.
Make it a masterpiece. Sign your name.
Finally, i should end my today's entry with a final quote:
"Each of us makes his/her own weather, determines the colors of the skies in the emontional universe which he/her inhabits." - Fulton J. Sheen
Hope it enrich your life and not overly bored you.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Artwork Planner BBQ Gathering
As mentioned in my previous entry, there will be an Artwork Planner (ie, my current role) BBQ gathering yesterday which i was part of organising. For those who know me, i am normally not that interested in participating in activities from my company but this is different as this gathering is only meant for people in my roles and so we shared the same views of our jobs. Furthermore, these are the peoples that i can click more in my work.
After the month's long preparation for the BBQ, we are finally there! Our moods for the whole BBQ gathering is like a roller coaster ride and you will know why below....
After the month's long preparation for the BBQ, we are finally there! Our moods for the whole BBQ gathering is like a roller coaster ride and you will know why below....
We went into some hippcups in the planning portion...like should we prepare the food outside? What's going to be the participation rate? Then when we finally decided then people start backing out and we have to recount the food and amount to be split. So it was a lot of to and fro calculation and planning.
But we overcome the odds and order all the required stuff from BBQ wholesale website. The presentation for the food is good and most importantly no one has any major complaints on the taste. Hence, it is a good choice if you have a big group of people and really save us a lot of hassels. However, i have a small complaint for them is they don't have a fixed timing for the delivery so the committee members like myself was at East Coast from 4pm.
When we finally got the food at 5:30pm, we proceed to start the fire and being all first timers we got the fire going on our first try...Pretty well-done, right? But then the weather decided to pull a trick on us and start raining cats and dogs. The lucky thing was that our pit was near a shelter so the 4 of us start to shift all the foods into the shelter.
With such a weather change, our mood went right down the hill as all the participants started to contact us asking about the weather. Hence, the thoughts that came into our minds were: Will they be coming? When will the rain stop? How are we going to deal with all the food that we order? etc, etc. Though we have umbrellas with us, it still didn't protect us against the rain so we were practically soak to the skin.
How did our long waited gathering end up to be so 狼狈?
Conclusion 1: No matter how much u plan, you can't plan for the unforeseen.
So we decided to start eating the cooked food so in case the rain didn't stop and we can't BBQ, we don't have to carry back too many food. But who will know that the rain stop around 8pm and we went back to start fight on an aluminum foil container since the pit is already floated. When the fire started again the rain came back so this time we carried our own portable pit back to the shelter and again all our food.
Conclusion 2: Don't have to book for a pit. Just get some aluminmum container and you have a ready pit that can be used even under harsh weather conditions.side note: wasted $16 on the pit for nothing. :-(
However, our mood start picking up as everyone (including the kids) start strolling in to our shelter despite the rain. Hooray! so all our hard work wasn't wasted at all.
Below are the pictures that we took:
The Artwork Planners:
The PPMS:
And finally, the group pictures:
It was indeed a happy gatherings with a roller coaster mood.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Latest Discovery
I had a gathering with some of my friends last night and while on the bus back home, i made an interesting discovery. There was a broadcast in the middle of my ride home when the bus started to get a bit packed. The broadcast actually told people to move to the end of the bus so as not to avoid any delay to the journey.
Ironically, when the broadcast went off in both English and mandarin, people just start moving. However on the bad side, the bus driver forget to turn it off so it went on repeating at least 4-5 times and it was getting a bit irritating as there wasn't any more place to move and the broadcast clashes with the sound from TV mobile.
Hope i am not the mountain tortoise here and the last one to hear the broadcast. hehe.
Ironically, when the broadcast went off in both English and mandarin, people just start moving. However on the bad side, the bus driver forget to turn it off so it went on repeating at least 4-5 times and it was getting a bit irritating as there wasn't any more place to move and the broadcast clashes with the sound from TV mobile.
Hope i am not the mountain tortoise here and the last one to hear the broadcast. hehe.
It's all over now...
Sorry for not blogging for the past week basically because i have problems accessing my blogs. Hence, i shall blog about the happenings over the past weeks.
The biggest happenings in my life over the past weeks was the celebrations of the Chinese New Year. As my grandparents have all left us years back hence Chinese New Year is the only time where i can catch up with all my relatives even though we are not that close so it is just doing the basics to show that we are still living in this world.
Day 1: Visit Dad's side
We are really not close with them hence it is only a yearly 2 hrs visit as my mum just can't stand them. The funniest thing is being siblings they also dun tok among themselves so in the end you can see the 5 siblings sitting at different corner of the house and watching TV...so i named them the 5 "da po gong". So meaningless but we just can't not turn up otherwise the gossip will be even worst. So it always end up the cousins toking among ourselves and the qns will be: Where are you doing now? and also playing with the kid's of my cousins.
Day 2: Visit Mum's side
This year we will not be seeing my 5th aunt's husband as we lost him to cancer last year so we were all afraid how she is handling the new year without her husband. So my mum made my sis and i go my auntie's place early afternoon so they can talk. Hence every year we will be the first to arrive. (side note: my dad has been exempted from this gathering as he will be totally bored so we save him the trouble) However, i am okie to visit them every year since i can catch up with my many cousins. This year i realise that one of my cousin is graduating soon and she actually wants to work in my company so if ever she is selected than i can work with her. I super envy her as she will be going to Europe for holidays as a graduation trip...Wow!
Day 3 - 8: Stay at Home and Nuah!
Life is always best when u don't have to work and i have the luxury to be on leave the whole week. Though we have quite a number of visitors on the third day and i went out with my parents on day 4, i still be able to just enjoy my peaceful and relaxing day at hm from Day 4 onwards...doing nothing much but watching free SCV and reading my storybooks. I am pleased to know that Sagittarius is the best horoscope in terms of careers. Hence, i should be able to get what i want in career. Hooray!.
When Sunday came, my mood went dipping down like nobody's business since i have to drag myself back to work and there will be no more holidays until April 6...Argh*Argh*Argh* How can i survive? But again i guess every good things need to come to an end. Furthermore, i need the monies for survival.
Maybe i shd be contended that i have the luxury to work from home today and blog abt my boring but relaxing new year.
The biggest happenings in my life over the past weeks was the celebrations of the Chinese New Year. As my grandparents have all left us years back hence Chinese New Year is the only time where i can catch up with all my relatives even though we are not that close so it is just doing the basics to show that we are still living in this world.
Day 1: Visit Dad's side
We are really not close with them hence it is only a yearly 2 hrs visit as my mum just can't stand them. The funniest thing is being siblings they also dun tok among themselves so in the end you can see the 5 siblings sitting at different corner of the house and watching TV...so i named them the 5 "da po gong". So meaningless but we just can't not turn up otherwise the gossip will be even worst. So it always end up the cousins toking among ourselves and the qns will be: Where are you doing now? and also playing with the kid's of my cousins.
Day 2: Visit Mum's side
This year we will not be seeing my 5th aunt's husband as we lost him to cancer last year so we were all afraid how she is handling the new year without her husband. So my mum made my sis and i go my auntie's place early afternoon so they can talk. Hence every year we will be the first to arrive. (side note: my dad has been exempted from this gathering as he will be totally bored so we save him the trouble) However, i am okie to visit them every year since i can catch up with my many cousins. This year i realise that one of my cousin is graduating soon and she actually wants to work in my company so if ever she is selected than i can work with her. I super envy her as she will be going to Europe for holidays as a graduation trip...Wow!
Day 3 - 8: Stay at Home and Nuah!
Life is always best when u don't have to work and i have the luxury to be on leave the whole week. Though we have quite a number of visitors on the third day and i went out with my parents on day 4, i still be able to just enjoy my peaceful and relaxing day at hm from Day 4 onwards...doing nothing much but watching free SCV and reading my storybooks. I am pleased to know that Sagittarius is the best horoscope in terms of careers. Hence, i should be able to get what i want in career. Hooray!.
When Sunday came, my mood went dipping down like nobody's business since i have to drag myself back to work and there will be no more holidays until April 6...Argh*Argh*Argh* How can i survive? But again i guess every good things need to come to an end. Furthermore, i need the monies for survival.
Maybe i shd be contended that i have the luxury to work from home today and blog abt my boring but relaxing new year.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Dong Dong Qiang!
It's been a busy week for me since it is time of the year where all chinese over the world are busy preparing for the 金猪年. For me, my mum will be chasing me to clean up my stuffs and making chinese decorations for my house. So as usual below is my family's creations:
I shall named it as 一飞冲天 or 步步高升.
Apart from making the decoration for my house and family friends, i also went for my facial and pedicure and all prepared for the Chinese New Year. For the past few years, i always have a problem with SJ and that is we would have problem finding suitable new year clothes. However, this year it is surprisingly a different story for me since i have too many new clothes and i bought 1 pants, 1 skirt and 1 blouse again last Friday. I think i can have some thing new for 5 straight days. hehe.
To SJ: I wanted to post on my blog and show you but due to my poor photography skills, I can't since the pictures don't look good and was not very clear. Sorry, you have to come to my house and see if we have the new year visiting this year.
If you think that's all i have been busy with over the past week then you are wrong. Apart from making decorations, it is also my practise to put my baking skills into good use and this year I made Peanut cookies over 2 weekend.
Being the first timer at peanut cookies, it turn out not too bad and it is really much more cost effective as compared to previous where we were slogging making pineapple tarts and chocolate chip cookies.
That's it for my update today. Let me wish u all an early Valentine's Day and Happy Chinese New Year! 恭喜发财，身体健康 and everyone's dream comes true and the 金猪 be a good year for all . :-)
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Monopoly Battle
After weeks of unhappiness over at my job, the day is finally here...this was the only motivation that spur me on my job over the past few weeks and that is my gathering at Yovi's house on 3 Feb 2006.
Blading session at 1130pm. One accomplishment for me was to do a longer lap that i used do **claps**
Followed by swimming with Joan...Based on the photo, you will know who has been seriously working out and who is not. Yah as everyone who knows me know that i am a "汗鸭子" so i was just relaxing at the jaccuzi area. :p
It was a day full of activities starting with:
Blading session at 1130pm. One accomplishment for me was to do a longer lap that i used do **claps**Grocery shopping for the BBQ at nite. 
Followed by swimming with Joan...Based on the photo, you will know who has been seriously working out and who is not. Yah as everyone who knows me know that i am a "汗鸭子" so i was just relaxing at the jaccuzi area. :p
While the both of us are relaxing at the pool side, a nice guy was preparing the BBQ for us.
Though we have some unpleasant experience after our swim which i do not intend to reveal to the readers of my blog so as not to spolit everyone's appetite. One word to all: Please be considerate to others. Afterall, that is a public place. What you did wass just too gross. yucks.
We proceeded to our BBQ with all the food (ie, flower crabs, chicken wing, sausages, fried bee hoon, pork fillet, prawns, sotong, etc) that we brought. (p.s sorry for the lack of photos on the food as i was really starving). Below are some snapshots:
After 2 hours of BBQ, the highlight of the day started and that is the Battle at Monopoly.
Everyone was buying properties and making alliance with others so we can build houses and hotels. It been ages for me since my last board game so it was great fun for me at least.
Guess who is the eventual owner?
The camera-shy ger in Number "10" Jersey. Wonder why she is always so lucky.. no matter what game we play, Mahjong or Monopoly, she is always the ultimate winner.
Finally, we should thanks the owner of the house since she is always kind enough to allow us to go and stay till the wee of the day.
Finally, we should thanks the owner of the house since she is always kind enough to allow us to go and stay till the wee of the day.
Found this innocent picture of her in my camera. **applause***
Sunday, January 28, 2007
New Shopping Mall...Square 2
Square 2 is the new shopping mall located near my office and is now one of our favourite lunch time hang out place. It is meant to be a korean hub...similar to far east which is a japanese hub. After going there for lunch over the past few days, my only conclusion of the half opened mall is it is filled with many shoes shop.
Final Verdict
The final verdict is out... my application for the wella is a final closed case as both parties didn't manage to give way (ie. Wella couldn't afford to wait for me for 3 months and my boss couldn't release me anytime any earlier). Oh Gosh, how unlucky can i be right? But what to do, all i can say that i am unlucky and poor timings.
I should really thanks those who read my blogs and send me sms and msn to console me. I am okie but i just need time to recover. Not to forget my thai boss, he is a nice guy and did all he can and yet has to undergo my ourburst at him on Friday after hearing that my is indeed a closed case. Even though i have prepared for the worst but it still hurts to hear it again.
So many questions in my mind but no answers to it. (Why must it be me? How come I am so unlucky, I am so closed to it? Am i greedy? Can't i just learn from others and not be an idealist? Why must i chase after my dream so hard? Is there something wrong that i do?...blah blah blah.)
All i can hope or believe now is 天无绝人之路 and when one door is closed another door might be opening soon even though to me now all doors seem to closed on me.
I should really thanks those who read my blogs and send me sms and msn to console me. I am okie but i just need time to recover. Not to forget my thai boss, he is a nice guy and did all he can and yet has to undergo my ourburst at him on Friday after hearing that my is indeed a closed case. Even though i have prepared for the worst but it still hurts to hear it again.
So many questions in my mind but no answers to it. (Why must it be me? How come I am so unlucky, I am so closed to it? Am i greedy? Can't i just learn from others and not be an idealist? Why must i chase after my dream so hard? Is there something wrong that i do?...blah blah blah.)
All i can hope or believe now is 天无绝人之路 and when one door is closed another door might be opening soon even though to me now all doors seem to closed on me.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
When I thought all was good or turning towards good......
I should apologise to all who is reading this entry as it will be a sad entry filled with anger, disappointment and saddness. Hence, for those who are used to seeing a happy krissy, this will show another side of her and for those who don't like sad entry...skip this entry.
As far as i can remember, there are 3 instances where i really cry like there is no tomorrow.. to you, you might find the below reason as to my outburst as childish or "夸张" or unneccessary but being a crybaby these are instances where i really can't control:
1. When i failed my second driving practical test, i felt useless as i actually freak out during the test. That was so useless of me, i felt i let myself down so badly.
2. When i was being critised by someone during work doing some stupid stuff and actually quit my job because of that. So unprofessional of me to quit just like that. But i realli felt very 委屈 during the process as i was fresh out of school and doing something that even a primary school children is capable of and i stuck in the place doing that.
3. When i was unemployed and sink into a slight depression. I questioned my existence everyday and why things happen this way? Is it my fault? Is there something wrong with me? I felt super helpless at that time and i always feel that no one understand and everyone is pushing me to a route that i did'nt want to go.
When i mentioned in my previous entry with all the good things or news (ie, wedding bells ringing, new baby on the way and most importantly a potential new job) that i have been receiving since the start of the new year, i am always telling myself that this should be a stunning year or at least a better year as compared to the previous. Who will know that this will happen to me? It is such a big blow to me.
Though i have been to countless interviews but this is one that i thought if i did great, i will have a high chance of getting it. Hence i gave my best shot. When i am thinking everything is looking great for me, my dreams are dashed and not because i didn't do well but because of someone's selfishness. I really can't believe it. I cried till my tears just can't be control (maybe it is because i am someone who's tears glands are more active) but i am really 心痛 and helpless. Side note: thanks to those who listened to all my sorrows and crying. sorry for making you all worried about the useless me. I must be very 失态 but i really can't control. I would be worst if you all never lend a listening ear or provided those encouraging sms...offering to go shopping with me which i doubt will make me better. Nothing would make me feel better now. :-(
Back to where i am.....I have been waiting for this chance to move back to marketing and I am even prepared that it might not be the ideal marketing job or environment sucks but at least it enable me to move back to the path that i am dieing for. Even if it really did suck, i will be able to 忍 for a few years and it would create a better platform for me to move on. Unlike now, where my title isn't helping me a single bit but pushing me away from the course.
For those who are not aware, when i wanted to apply for this job, i went through the proper channel to inform my boss and they are aligned to it and say as long as there is proper transitioning, i will be able to change. Then now they tell me that considering now that one of my colleague is in hospital, another is leaving, my boss and director is leaving soon so the whole team is only left with my boss's boss while the rest are new so she don't think now is the right time to release me. Gosh! Do you know how i felt at that moment when these words reach my ears? I was still thinking that it will be good news when my boss and his boss ask to talk to me..how naive i am, right? She even dare to tell me that she is selfish and explain that to find a replacement is so difficult. But can't they just look from outside like how they found me? Furthermore, if i were to quit, they will also have to handle that within one month. I am so angry that i told her that i will still continue to look for opportunities outside and i will only be giving her 1 month notice. In that case, she also need to handle that isn't it? So to me it is whether they want or not, right? If everyone's movement was planned, why did they agree to me to attend the interview? Giving me a hope and crashing it right in front is so cruel of them. It is like telling a kid that she will have a sweet if she is good and when she is good, you eat that same sweet in front of her instead of giving to her. Or thinking there is light at the end of tunnel where you have been trapped for the longest time ever but to find that it is a dead end. I would rather they don't let me know and i will be still thinking that i lose to competition and at least i wouldn't feel so bad. Still dare to tell me they did'nt want me to feel that i did'nt do well in the interview but actually i did impress the other departments but just that because of current situation they can't let me go. Promising me that they will now look into planning for my move but can they find the exact things that i want or by then they will be giving me another story? They themselves know that it is so difficult to have such a position available. I have been in this role for 1.5 yrs and this is the 1st time that i come across such position. I can't wait another 1.5 yrs anymore.... I am really moving away from my goal. They are full of CRAP!
Everything that they say are from their viewpoints but have they ever thought how i will feel? They never understand how badly I wanted this. Dragging myself to work for the past 1.5 yrs...motivating myself that something good will be coming my way...Envying others where they are in a job that they like...this is the chance i am looking for the past 4 yrs and now it just slip through my fingers like that. The minute i think of this, my tears just can't be control and start sliping out from my ends of my eyes. I am not sure why i have to go through such a hard time in my career? Why can't I be others? I don't know what i have done wrong to deserve all this? Is it because i went telling everyone such a good chance that i have and so the luck just went away from me?
I am now so helpless, i don't know how to turn the situation around. I don't know how to talk myself out of this sadness. I don't want to end up in something i don't enjoy for the next 10, 20 or 30 yrs.
I didn't put up a fierce fight on Friday as i know my tears are coming out and i don't to be viewed as a crybaby or being so unprofessional and childish. Hence, i will talk to her again on Monday though i seriously don't feel like seeing their face again and i know nothing will be able to change the situation as the way they talked it is like a dead decision and it was just formality that they tell me first instead of me knowing from the other department... but i have to make my points out to her. Let them realise that for saying how good i am and that is what i get... it is not fair to me and super piss with them for doing that to me. I no longer value my stay with them.... I don't value the company or the department as much as they think.
Sorry everyone, i need a way to vent my fustration and make my tears all dry up...preparing for the big showdown on Monday and this is my only venue. I believe that the more i say maybe my tears will just stop and maybe provide a different perspective of the issues. You can't believe how badly I am taking this and sorry for all the poor attitude or black face that i might show you if we ever meet but this is really not a good way to start the year and i am really heartbroken inside. Nothing for me has been smooth sailing since ages. Haiz.
P.s. Please do not be affected by me and lose the faith in chasing your dreams or goals as i doubt anyone is as unlucky as me.
As far as i can remember, there are 3 instances where i really cry like there is no tomorrow.. to you, you might find the below reason as to my outburst as childish or "夸张" or unneccessary but being a crybaby these are instances where i really can't control:
1. When i failed my second driving practical test, i felt useless as i actually freak out during the test. That was so useless of me, i felt i let myself down so badly.
2. When i was being critised by someone during work doing some stupid stuff and actually quit my job because of that. So unprofessional of me to quit just like that. But i realli felt very 委屈 during the process as i was fresh out of school and doing something that even a primary school children is capable of and i stuck in the place doing that.
3. When i was unemployed and sink into a slight depression. I questioned my existence everyday and why things happen this way? Is it my fault? Is there something wrong with me? I felt super helpless at that time and i always feel that no one understand and everyone is pushing me to a route that i did'nt want to go.
When i mentioned in my previous entry with all the good things or news (ie, wedding bells ringing, new baby on the way and most importantly a potential new job) that i have been receiving since the start of the new year, i am always telling myself that this should be a stunning year or at least a better year as compared to the previous. Who will know that this will happen to me? It is such a big blow to me.
Though i have been to countless interviews but this is one that i thought if i did great, i will have a high chance of getting it. Hence i gave my best shot. When i am thinking everything is looking great for me, my dreams are dashed and not because i didn't do well but because of someone's selfishness. I really can't believe it. I cried till my tears just can't be control (maybe it is because i am someone who's tears glands are more active) but i am really 心痛 and helpless. Side note: thanks to those who listened to all my sorrows and crying. sorry for making you all worried about the useless me. I must be very 失态 but i really can't control. I would be worst if you all never lend a listening ear or provided those encouraging sms...offering to go shopping with me which i doubt will make me better. Nothing would make me feel better now. :-(
Back to where i am.....I have been waiting for this chance to move back to marketing and I am even prepared that it might not be the ideal marketing job or environment sucks but at least it enable me to move back to the path that i am dieing for. Even if it really did suck, i will be able to 忍 for a few years and it would create a better platform for me to move on. Unlike now, where my title isn't helping me a single bit but pushing me away from the course.
For those who are not aware, when i wanted to apply for this job, i went through the proper channel to inform my boss and they are aligned to it and say as long as there is proper transitioning, i will be able to change. Then now they tell me that considering now that one of my colleague is in hospital, another is leaving, my boss and director is leaving soon so the whole team is only left with my boss's boss while the rest are new so she don't think now is the right time to release me. Gosh! Do you know how i felt at that moment when these words reach my ears? I was still thinking that it will be good news when my boss and his boss ask to talk to me..how naive i am, right? She even dare to tell me that she is selfish and explain that to find a replacement is so difficult. But can't they just look from outside like how they found me? Furthermore, if i were to quit, they will also have to handle that within one month. I am so angry that i told her that i will still continue to look for opportunities outside and i will only be giving her 1 month notice. In that case, she also need to handle that isn't it? So to me it is whether they want or not, right? If everyone's movement was planned, why did they agree to me to attend the interview? Giving me a hope and crashing it right in front is so cruel of them. It is like telling a kid that she will have a sweet if she is good and when she is good, you eat that same sweet in front of her instead of giving to her. Or thinking there is light at the end of tunnel where you have been trapped for the longest time ever but to find that it is a dead end. I would rather they don't let me know and i will be still thinking that i lose to competition and at least i wouldn't feel so bad. Still dare to tell me they did'nt want me to feel that i did'nt do well in the interview but actually i did impress the other departments but just that because of current situation they can't let me go. Promising me that they will now look into planning for my move but can they find the exact things that i want or by then they will be giving me another story? They themselves know that it is so difficult to have such a position available. I have been in this role for 1.5 yrs and this is the 1st time that i come across such position. I can't wait another 1.5 yrs anymore.... I am really moving away from my goal. They are full of CRAP!
Everything that they say are from their viewpoints but have they ever thought how i will feel? They never understand how badly I wanted this. Dragging myself to work for the past 1.5 yrs...motivating myself that something good will be coming my way...Envying others where they are in a job that they like...this is the chance i am looking for the past 4 yrs and now it just slip through my fingers like that. The minute i think of this, my tears just can't be control and start sliping out from my ends of my eyes. I am not sure why i have to go through such a hard time in my career? Why can't I be others? I don't know what i have done wrong to deserve all this? Is it because i went telling everyone such a good chance that i have and so the luck just went away from me?
I am now so helpless, i don't know how to turn the situation around. I don't know how to talk myself out of this sadness. I don't want to end up in something i don't enjoy for the next 10, 20 or 30 yrs.
I didn't put up a fierce fight on Friday as i know my tears are coming out and i don't to be viewed as a crybaby or being so unprofessional and childish. Hence, i will talk to her again on Monday though i seriously don't feel like seeing their face again and i know nothing will be able to change the situation as the way they talked it is like a dead decision and it was just formality that they tell me first instead of me knowing from the other department... but i have to make my points out to her. Let them realise that for saying how good i am and that is what i get... it is not fair to me and super piss with them for doing that to me. I no longer value my stay with them.... I don't value the company or the department as much as they think.
Sorry everyone, i need a way to vent my fustration and make my tears all dry up...preparing for the big showdown on Monday and this is my only venue. I believe that the more i say maybe my tears will just stop and maybe provide a different perspective of the issues. You can't believe how badly I am taking this and sorry for all the poor attitude or black face that i might show you if we ever meet but this is really not a good way to start the year and i am really heartbroken inside. Nothing for me has been smooth sailing since ages. Haiz.
P.s. Please do not be affected by me and lose the faith in chasing your dreams or goals as i doubt anyone is as unlucky as me.
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